When Life Feels Empty, Check Your Motive
By Dina Brady, PCC
Dina Brady is a Professional Certified Coach who has been running her coaching practice in Orlando, FL for nearly a decade. An honors graduate of Springfield College, she has worked with over 1,000 clients through 1:1 coaching, groups, global retreats, and breathwork experiences. Dina integrates cognitive behavioral coaching and mindfulness to help people live authentically and love deeply. Her work is rooted in the belief that being value-driven is what allows us to create meaningful, lasting change. She is passionate about helping clients align with their greatest good, build resilience, and embrace a life of freedom and purpose.
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To create purpose, freedom, authenticity, and the deep meaningfulness we all crave, we first have to understand the motive behind our motivation. Am I doing this for me, in alignment with my values or for others and what they think of me? That distinction changes everything.
Over the years, I’ve seen how differently these paths play out. When we discover that working out gives us confidence, energy, strength, and mental clarity, those are powerful intrinsic motivators. Compared to working out for clout or approval, it just doesn’t stick. When we’re aligned with our greatest good, our decisions come from integrity with ourselves, not from chasing validation outside of us.
The signs of living by others’ expectations are subtle but unmistakable: burnout, resentment, lack of boundaries, people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, or fear of being seen as selfish. Many outwardly successful people come to me exhausted, because no amount of achievement can make up for living out of alignment.
Extrinsic motivation including external rewards, approval, or recognition aren’t always harmful. The key is checking your motive. Are you operating from fear or from love? Does this bring joy or resentment? External drive can serve a bigger vision, but without balance, rest, authenticity and self-care, it quickly becomes unsustainable.
When people prioritize performance over authentic living, they lose themselves to work, money, society, or fear. Their passions and values get buried under external success, leaving them resentful and confused. They checked all the boxes, yet feel empty.
Reconnecting with intrinsic motivation starts with awareness. Notice and accept your reality. Slow down. Tune into your body. Challenge the old belief that you must carry everything alone. Get accountability and support. Admit when you feel defeated, and when you want more from life. Then redirect the energy you’ve been pouring outward, inward.
Self-compassion is everything in this process. Paired with personal responsibility, it allows us to unlearn old beliefs without shame and build new skills with grace. It doesn’t matter why we spent years building something that doesn’t fulfill us. What matters is recognizing it, forgiving ourselves, and loving ourselves enough to choose differently.
Some of the most powerful practices are also the simplest: slowing down in micro-moments, taking time to really listen, feeling the sun on your skin, practicing gratitude, breathwork, pausing before saying yes, learning to say no. Write your passion list. Write your own eulogy. Explore your inner child through meditation. Build accountability and community around these practices. Even saying “I don’t know” cracks the door to possibility.
Here is your invitation to stop avoiding and get curious. An opportunity to release what no longer serves us and the ability to create something new.
When we choose intrinsic motivation, living for ourselves, not others, we stop performing life and start inhabiting it. That’s where freedom lives.
