Stop Gasping. Start Inviting.

I heard something yesterday that completely stopped me in my tracks. The kind of thing that makes your body react before your mind can even catch up. Someone said, “Make requests like you’re asking someone to bring flowers to the table, not like you’re gasping for air in your lungs.”

And immediately, I knew exactly what they meant.

Because we’ve all been there. Wanting connection so badly that the wanting turns into urgency. Wanting to be seen, chosen, prioritized, reassured. And without realizing it, the way we ask carries that desperation with it. Even when the words sound reasonable. Even when we’re asking for something valid.

When a request comes from urgency, it often lands as a demand. Not because the other person doesn’t care, but because urgency has a tone. It says, “I need this right now or I’m not okay.” And that’s a heavy place to meet someone from.

Needing air is survival. When someone is gasping, the room tightens. The nervous system feels it. Pressure shows up. Defensiveness follows. It’s not that the other person doesn’t want to respond, it’s that survival energy is hard to receive.

Flowers are different.

Flowers are desire. They’re chosen. They’re intentional. They’re offered, not extracted. Flowers don’t say, “Save me.” They say, “I’m here, and I’d love to share something beautiful with you.”

What’s wild is that the desire underneath both is usually the same. Connection. Time. Reassurance. Love. The difference isn’t the need, it’s the energy we bring when we ask.

One says, “I can’t live without this.”

The other says, “I want to build this with you.”

Same desire. Completely different impact.

This is the work. Learning to notice when we’re asking from fear instead of fullness. Not shaming ourselves for it, fear is human but pausing long enough to regulate, to come back into ourselves, and then asking again.

Not from panic.

Not from self-abandonment or control.

Not from “I need you so I can be okay.”

But from togetherness. From groundedness. From a place that says, “I’m here. I’m okay. And I’d love to meet you here with me.”

When requests come from that place, they don’t feel like pressure. They feel like an invitation. And invitations are much easier to say yes to.

#lifecoach #relationships #mindfulness