Mastering Triggers: Strategies for Responding Effectively.

It has become more common to use the verbiage, “I am triggered” or “You are triggering me”, out of context. Having emotions or feelings is not being triggered. The word was derived from PTSD. It is a subconscious sensory reminder from a past traumatic event. Our bodies have an automatic response to the subconscious reminder, and we go into fight, flight, freeze, fawn. The reaction looks overly dramatic externally and perceived out of proportion with the situation. (And I will see this with clients in session, they will completely checkout and disassociate. I will soften my tone and say,

Hey are you with me?

What’s going on?

Where can you feel this in your body?

This happens because the person is reliving a traumatic experience. Some byproducts of being triggered are, your hands and face get warm, maybe red, throat tightens up, a brick in your gut, (the differentiating factor from disappointment and triggers can be found in) the overpowering urge to run away, feelings are absolutely overwhelming and your response is literally as if you are trying to save your life. Very primal. (This is inside of us to keep us alive, now we are trying to learn how to live and connect with these instincts).

If a client experienced abandonment from a parent through divorce they may have a very strong physiological reaction when their partner doesn’t answer the phone and if you are looking from the outside in the response is so inflated it doesn’t align with the situation, it can be VERY confusing if you are not trauma informed. As you can imagine this would make it incredibly difficult to connect. In some cases we may not even be conscious of why we are experiencing tunnel vision or such hyper expressed reactions. When these traumatic events are experienced in early childhood they shape our beliefs about people, love and safety and we learn adaptive strategies that don’t serve us later in life.

If I leave every time I don’t get my way I will never experience the depth and beauty of committed love. These early wounds not only show up in our relationships, but in our offices, with neighbors, the way we respond to stress and absolutely in the way we treat ourselves (how well am I taking care of myself on a core level?).Research suggests that trauma is stored inside of our nervous system and it interrupts the way we bond. We are all also hard wired to connect but when we don’t have the self-awareness or tools to self-regulate we can risk living our entire lives triggered, unconsciously hurting ourselves and others. Which is a big problem.

While everyone experiences trauma the results of the trauma vary from person to person. It’s important to address the listeners who strongly resonate with these trauma cycles we’ve discussed that we have solutions. That’s the whole point of what we do here is to bring information and tools to the public.

Solution starts with awareness of our cycles and understanding (even if it’s a very brief understanding (of trauma, attachment theory, and self-regulation. Awareness gives us a chance at learning and doing something different. The more I know, the more grace I have with myself and others, the more curious and willing I am to do the work.

I’ll walk you through my own personal experience, I have hundreds of experiences from clients but can’t quit give you the details the way I can from my own experience.

Let’s say some external situation has triggered me. I feel rejected, isolated, and not taken care of by my partner. I experience tunnel vision where I become completely disconnected from reality. Almost like I am transported between spaces and time 30 years ago as a scared little girl all by myself. My face gets hot and I want to disappear into the floor. My words are lost.

My experience with triggers have developed over the years but this is still my go to. Disappear to feel safe. Today I am better at identifying triggers, depending on the situation (and some of this will sound silly but the pain of reliving trauma is so painful that I was desperate to come back to the present moment and willing to do anything) I may pound my chest, run outside and put my feet in the dirt, get the sun in my face, put one hand on my heart and or belly, begin to take deep breaths consciously and connected, feel the support of the earth below my feet to ground me back to the present. Being able to get into my felt senses helps a lot to bring me back into the woman I am right now. I have practiced now for so long this is much easier than 20 years ago or even 10 years ago but it does still happen. I will look for tangible evidence of the truth. Today I know that feelings are not facts. Slowing down and taking time to collect my head before I react out of fear. Maybe ask my partner to clarify the truth for me.

I’ve had clients scream in pillows, call a friend, write in a journal, chew ice, smell lavender oil (or whatever oil), run or get physical, do box breathing or counts of 6. The point is to really focus on dropping in to the body. And I have found that practicing getting into the body daily helps in those times where I am that little girl. Just like building a muscle. I am not as lost or it doesn’t take as long to come back because I am practicing regularly. Regular practice can be breathwork, meditation, yoga, any intentional bodywork.

What about you, how have you experienced the cycle, has it kept you from anything, has it improved, do you have any life experience to share that can be used as a tool for listeners?

The message today is that trauma affects us all. Triggers are a physiological response from feelings associated with past trauma. These responses can be worked on and improve. I have certain triggers that I’ve not experienced now for years and years. I don’t know if I can pinpoint specifically what removed them but I just kept saying yes to healing modalities. EMDR therapy, ecstatic dance, coaching, sound healing, meditation, I mean I could go on and on but I have been committed to getting better for a long time and I’ve experienced firsthand the benefit of that dedication. And that’s the reason I teach, volunteer, Coach, mentor, do podcasts, retreats, write, it’s all to bridge the gap from hopelessness to hope.