Things To Consider When Choosing A Life Partner

Data suggests that many people commit to marriage for the wrong reasons: money, looks, codependency, low self-esteem, fantasy, societal expectations, the list goes on. While these factors may seem compelling in the moment, they often lead to partnerships that lack the foundation for long-term fulfillment and happiness. According to data from the National Center for Health Statistics, the United States averages approximately 630,000 divorces each year.

If you’re seeking a meaningful and lasting relationship, here’s a guide to help you move forward with intention, along with simple tools and practices to apply:

1. Know Your Core Values

Start with self-awareness. What truly matters to you? Is it kindness, ambition, spirituality, honesty, or adventure? Aligning with a partner who shares or respects your core values is essential for harmony.

Example: If you value adventure and your partner values security, find compromises like planning one big trip each year while maintaining stability in your day-to-day life.

Practice: Write down your top five values and assess whether your current or potential partner aligns with them. Reflect on how these values show up in your everyday life.

2. Prioritize Emotional and Physical Safety

A strong partnership begins with feeling safe, emotionally and physically. Your partner should make you feel supported and accepted.

Example: If your partner listens without interrupting during a disagreement, takes responsibility for their mistakes, and respects your space when needed, it’s a sign of emotional safety.

Tool: Ask yourself, Do I feel calm and supported, or drained and anxious? Use this as a barometer to evaluate emotional safety in the relationship.

3. Seek Stability

Stability isn’t just about financial security; it’s about emotional steadiness. A stable partner shows up consistently, keeping promises and fostering trust.

Example: A stable partner might remember your preferences, like your coffee order or favorite show, and follow through on commitments, like showing up on time.

Awareness: Pay attention to patterns over time. Consistency is a key indicator of stability, so notice how they respond to both routine and unexpected situations.

4. Choose Peace Over Drama

Relationships should be your safe harbor, not a storm. Constant turmoil or unresolved conflict can indicate a deeper issue.

Example: If disagreements escalate into shouting matches or silent treatment rather than respectful dialogue, notice what happens after? Is repair possible?

Practice: After conflicts, reflect together: What can we learn from this, and how can we handle it better next time? This builds peace and emotional maturity.

5. Observe Behavior Over Words

Actions speak louder than words. A reliable partner shows commitment through their actions.

Example: They say they care about your health and actively support you by encouraging you when you commit to the gym rather than later guilting you about your time away.

Tool: Notice actions versus promises. Patterns will reveal whether they truly mean what they say.

6. Be Honest About Non-Negotiables

Boundaries and deal-breakers are essential. Clearly communicate your expectations early in the relationship.

Example: If having children is important to you, bring it up early rather than hoping they’ll change their mind later.

Awareness: Understand your deal-breakers and why they matter. This clarity will help you articulate them calmly and confidently.

7. Like and Respect Your Partner

This may seem very obvious but I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve worked with they don’t even enjoy one another. Beyond love, genuine like and respect are crucial. Loving someone’s potential without liking who they are today will lead to disappointment and resentment.

Example: Notice how you feel around your person. Do you get excited to see them? Are you interested in their progress? How does your mind and body respond to them?

Practice: Do a daily practice of gratitude and appreciation for your partner, where you list 5+ things that make you feel good in regard to your person. Notice what that experience is like for you.

There Is No Rush

Choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions you’ll ever make. Take the time to approach it with clarity and purpose. There is nothing wrong with being single, exploring your own identity and taking your time with partnership. People too often focus on the next stage and miss the here and now. At the same time, I know from my own personal experience I tried to analyze my decision to death, we don’t want to do that either. Use this guide along with faith and trust.

When you prioritize values, safety, stability, and peace, you create a relationship built on trust, respect, and shared purpose. These elements lay the groundwork for a fulfilling and enduring partnership, not just as individuals, but as a team. In this you have space to grow and play.

Take your time. And remember, no matter what you have seen in others or have been told, YOU HAVE AGENCY OVER WHO YOU CHOOSE. Choose wisely. Your future self will thank you.