Obsessed with Their Behavior? It’s a Sign to Look Within
Ever catch yourself mentally spinning about what someone else is doing wrong? You find yourself in a judgmental loop. Maybe it’s your partner not communicating the way you’d like. Your friend being flaky, again or a coworker who just won’t pull their weight.
It’s easy to hyper focus on the messiness of other people, especially when it feels like you’re the only one doing the work, showing up, and taking responsibility.
Here’s the gnarly truth:
Fixating on someone else’s flaws is *often* a clever distraction from doing your own inner work. That’s right, I said it.
No judgment, we’ve all been there.
The Loop That Keeps You Powerless
When we get caught in the cycle of “THEY need to change,” we hit a wall.
Not because change is impossible, but because our own growth becomes dependent on someone else getting their act together first. (Read that again)
It’s a painful losing game.
Why We Do It (Yep, There’s Science)
Psychologists call it projection, a defense mechanism where we unconsciously push our own undesirable feelings or behaviors onto someone else.
It’s like your brain saying:
“Let’s focus over there so we don’t have to deal with what’s happening in here.”
This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness and the willingness to become internally free!
These days, I know that if I’m hyper focused on someone else, it’s a signal for me to pause and look inward.
Clean Up Your Side of the Street
One of the golden nuggets of wisdom I’ve received over the years?
“Clean up your side of the street.”
It’s simple, humbling and powerful.
When you catch yourself in judgment or resentment, use it as a gentle cue to check in:
What’s really coming up for me right now?
Is there something I’m avoiding in myself?
What emotion am I feeling and what’s underneath it?
This small habit of reflection shifts your energy from control to clarity, from blame to responsibility.
And that’s where your real power lives.
A Tangible Tool: “You Spot It, You Got It”
Next time you find yourself obsessing about someone else’s behavior, try this simple four-step reflection:
What did they do that upset me?
What do I make that mean about them (or me)?
How might I be doing something similar (to myself or others)?
What would taking responsibility look like right now?
This isn’t about excusing anyone’s behavior. It’s recognizing that is theirs and this is mine. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional entanglement so you can lead with integrity and intention.
The Takeaway
When your energy is locked onto someone else’s mess, take it as a sign.
We can’t control other people but we can choose how we respond, how we grow, and where we place our focus.
Next time judgment shows up, you have a choice on what to do with it. Instead of spiraling about someone else’s stuff, pause. Get honest.
And sweep your side of the street.
That’s where peace lives.
That’s where growth happens.
That’s how you stop giving your power away.
Want to go deeper with this work? I help people untangle emotional clutter, reconnect with their values, and build lives rooted in truth and integrity.
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